I have never underestimated the value of education and that’s a belief that never wavered, even when I went on to have 17 children with my late husband George. All my 11 daughters and six sons went to college – the cost to put them through school here in the US was probably the equivalent of $1m in today’s money.
Our children were born over a period of just under 20 years – 1955 to 1974 – and we got a whole spectrum of reactions to the size of our family. One woman wrote to the local newspaper to say it was families like mine that polluted the earth. But then I’d meet someone like the man who exclaimed: “That’s amazing! That is amazing. That is really amazing!” Once, a neighbour told me that I had too many children – I said that I had just enough and if I had another that would still be the case.
I met my late husband George in 1951, my junior year at the College of St Teresa in Winona, Minnesota. George’s view on family planning was, what could be better than having one child a year? We were both Catholics and never believed in birth control.
All the children had to help at home. My husband allocated chores by classes at school. In other words, the 8th grader would be responsible for making the supper, while the 7th grader did the dishes, with everyone moving up each year. If someone didn’t do his or her assigned task, this affected the whole house. It taught the children the responsibility and importance of their individual tasks. The older ones looked after their younger brothers and sisters – and served as a buffer between them and their parents.
We eventually settled in Pontiac, Illinois, and with so many children we ended up living in two houses next door to each other, with the family split between them. Our second home had a dormitory, instead of separate bedrooms. In the main house four bedrooms were converted into six and the dining-room table extended into the living room. At one end of the table, the older children might have steaks. At the other, it could be hot dogs for the young ones.
George was an accountant and with the children’s future finances in mind, our hope was that they should be able to “hang up their own shingles” – meaning they would be able to pay their own way. And given that we ended up with seven accountants in the family, the consensus is that we’re probably covered.
We used to say about the children, point the first ones in the right direction and the others will follow. Steven, our first child, was smart, so our kids’ teachers had the expectation that those following along should also be encouraged and nurtured.
My own parents stressed the importance of study. For me, learning is part of my orientation towards life. I won a Fulbright scholarship, which meant that I studied comparative drama at the University of Munich. After that I carried on taking college courses. Later, I also passed the Certified Public Accountancy exam – to help with the bills, I worked with George in his accountancy firm. He would say, so long as we have a babysitter, you might as well come to the office.
Was it easy giving our children every opportunity? Well, people think that they need a lot more than they actually do. Obviously, things were hard financially. The children had help with their schooling – grants, loans and scholarships – and they all had to work to help support themselves.
My girls have done incredibly well in their chosen fields – accounting, law, actuarial science, advertising, finance, metallurgical engineering, criminal justice and nursing. And they have 23 children between them. They have juggled and yet kept their priorities straight. What I always hope for them are supportive partners – and a supportive society, which sometimes has its priorities wrong and can expect too much of women.